


perfect hallucination

by kuresoto



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Bodyswap, But Not Tropey :/, Desert Island Fic, F/M, Fairy Tale Elements, Kind of.... - Freeform, Mutual Pining, Post-Canon, Touch-Starved, Tropes, soft reylo, this fic didn't end up being nearly as tropey as it set out to be
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-24
Updated: 2019-01-01
Packaged: 2019-09-25 23:53:04
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 12,796
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17131067
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kuresoto/pseuds/kuresoto
Summary: A year had almost passed since 'The Great Self-Destruct' that lay waste to the First Order and with it, the likely death of Kylo Ren. As far as Ben was concerned, the galaxy could continue to believe he was dead. Besides, it was only a matter of time before it came true. The icy curse placed upon him would slowly take his heart and with it, his life. It was the price he had to pay to end the First Order.He didn't care. In fact, he deserved it. After banishing himself to the furthest corner of the galaxy, he patiently waited to see his final days. However, after his bond with Rey flared to life at the most inopportune time, waiting for his end on a deserted planet was no longer as simple as it seemed...





	1. prologue

**Author's Note:**

  * For [ishie](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ishie/gifts).



> I took your prompt **Far future canon compliant fics where Ben DEFINITELY lives past IX (Kylo's odds of survival can be ... iffy)** as well as some tropes you had provided for this fic! It seems I can't write tropes the conventional way since this is _technically_ a desert island, mutual pining, bodyswap, fuck or die fic with beauty and the beast elements but...it doesn't....feel like it....................I hope you enjoy? _wrings hands nervously_
> 
> Thank you so, so, _**so**_ much to flypaper_brain and LoveThemFiercely for the beta. You guys are the tag-team duo dreams are made of. Seriously, especially during this season with so much irl shit going on, you guys were able to make this fic coherent. Thank you so much <3

“Do you understand what you are asking? This is what you truly want?”

Kylo dipped his head, his hands limply hanging on the edge of his vision. “Yes, this is what I want.”

“You understand what you must give as payment, correct?”

“Yes.”

“It is likely that you will never recover from this unless--”

“I _know_ ,” he snapped, lifting his head back up to glare at the ethereal being before him. “I didn’t realise I would have to resort to _begging_ to have this done.”

The glowing being did not rise to the bait. “Poor, poor Solo boy. You lash out to mask your fear. You are sacrificing a part of your soul for this. Your heart will turn to ice, but that’s only the physical aspect; it will spread deeper, like a cancer, until your entire self is numb. You won’t feel _anything_. Is this really how you want to live?”

“Yes,” he said weakly. It was devastating to hear it spelt out like that. “If this is what has to be done to end the First Order, then so be it. That is what I want.”

There was a soft exhale, like an age-old sigh. “May the Force have mercy on your soul.”

“I don’t deserve it,” he whispered as the Force being lifted their arms and faded into the walls.

Now bathed in silence, Kylo’s mind couldn’t help but wander to the events of the past few months. It was only a matter of time before the Generals and Grand Admirals of the First Order moved against him. Out of pure spite, he’d reformed the galaxy to _his_ liking, knowing full well how painfully difficult it would be to change it later. But that didn’t deter them. He knew they were plotting against him, and he wouldn’t be surprised if an assassination was being organised.

The First Order, and everything it stood for, had to die for the galaxy to move on. The false ‘order’ and ‘perfection’ with disregard for basic rights and personal autonomy was too much.

He refused to think about _her_ and how she had played a  key part in his motivations. If the New Republic hadn’t been so lax after the Empire fell, then _she_ would have never gone through the pain and anguish that had filled her life.

No, he must not lose focus on the task at hand. His work was nearly over; and with any luck, he wouldn’t survive what was coming and Rey would never find out about this at all. He didn't want her pity. He didn’t want her sympathy. He knew he didn’t deserve it.

However, as an explosion rocked the base, he couldn’t help but conjure her face. She appeared in his mind’s eye as she had looked the night their fingers had touched across the stars; her face tear-stained, but with her heart in her eyes, completely open to him.

“At least it won’t hurt anymore,” he whispered, before the ceiling above fell towards him.

-

Leia wouldn’t normally do this. Hell, even Poe wasn’t thrilled to have her on the rock with the rest of them, what with her still-recovering body, but she’d be damned if she was going to sit around feeling useless while everyone else was busy working planetside.

Six months had passed since the Resistance escaped the First Order with their bare minimum crew. Six months since her brother died. Six months since she lost her oldest friend, Amilyn.

...and six months since Ben-- _no_. Kylo Ren. It had been six months since Kylo Ren assumed leadership of the First Order and named himself Supreme Leader. The continuous holo broadcasts made it impossible to forget.

It was impressive, to say the least. In those six months, the First Order had expanded their control over the majority of the galaxy. Even though Amilyn had sacrificed her life to destroy the _Supremacy_ , and what had appeared to be half their fleet, the First Order had yet to reveal their full armada.

While the Resistance hid in the remote corners of Outer Rim planets, with no real allies or resources to speak of, the First Order thrived; more and more of their fleet emerged from Unknown Space in a seemingly endless flood of ships. The galaxy had no choice but to surrender.

By all appearances, Kylo Ren had succeeded where the previous Supreme Leader had failed. Reforming the planets went smoother than Leia had ever seen, or even thought possible. And the rules they implemented resulted in a dramatic drop in crime and illegal activities. The order that the regime desperately sought was now in place; but at what cost? _Nothing_ was worth the millions of lives lost in the conflict.

Still, some would say it was for the best. Leia would say those people didn’t have souls, nor did they understand how politics or the proper government of planets worked. This was a dictatorship and no matter how ‘well off’ the planets were across the galaxy, it was never going to sit right with her.

It didn’t matter now, though. It had only been a few weeks since the last Outer Rim planet had been reformed when there was an explosion at a First Order base on Chandrila. Then on Corellia. And then on Coruscant, followed by the rest of the Core Worlds. It was like a virus, with a domino effect. Soon, every First Order base within the galaxy had collapsed for no apparent reason.  

That was how Leia found herself exploring an ex-First Order base in the Outer Rim.

The galaxy wanted answers and she was going stir crazy not knowing what had happened. She had her doubts about this base yielding anything useful, though; it was one of the more remote bases of operation on the edge of the galaxy, with only a skeleton crew and little known strategic importance. No one really expected to find anything here, which was probably why Poe had let Leia go with the exploration team; not that he had any real say in it. If she wanted to go planetside, she was going to go planetside.

The First Order base was large, so everyone broke off on their own in order to quickly cover more ground. With a communication device and tracker around her wrist, Leia made her way through the base’s hallways. She had been assigned to the sector furthest from the area most affected by the explosion and had seen nothing terribly out of the ordinary until she noticed a collapsed hallway up ahead.

‘Odd,’ she thought as she neared the wreckage. If the explosion had affected other parts of the base in any way, there should have been evidence of it from orbit. All the hallways she had gone down were in pristine condition.

There was no way she could move the debris. It was a laugh to even consider.

 _Although_ …

She knew she shouldn’t push herself. Even though it had been six months since she was sucked into the vacuum of space, her body was still feeling the effects. Sometimes it felt like her lung capacity had halved; other times it felt like she was paralysed. Not all the time, but often enough that it nagged at the back of her mind.

Despite all this, Leia slowly lifted her hand and concentrated. She had never had any formal Force training, only the basics; but that was all she needed. She was a Skywalker. Weakened  or not, she was Leia _kriffing_ Organa.

Besides, something deep inside, long-buried,  was calling to her. It felt a lot like it had when Luke had called out to her, all those years ago on Bespin. The sudden memory took her by surprise, and heart rate spiked as she realised exactly who it was buried under all that rubble.

Falling to her knees, Leia pulled aside a rock with her bare hands, revealing a crown of black hair. She knew the color and texture of those strands; or she had, once.

“Ben,” she breathed, her throat to constricting.

She didn’t know how she’d done it. Maybe it was the Force, or sheer adrenaline, but somehow she’d dug and scrabbled, shifting the debris until she cradled her only son in her arms. By some miracle, there was barely a scratch on him. Leia pressed the back of her hand against his cheek and almost gasped: his skin was cold as ice.

Careful not to let his head fall, Leia shifted her body so she could bring the comlink to her mouth. Clicking it a few times, she hailed to whoever was on the other line. “Falcon, I’m gonna need some assistance.”

There was a moment of static before Rey’s familiar voice replied. “What is it, General?”

“I--” Leia was interrupted when a strong hand grabbed her arm, hold tightening by the second.  Her wide eyes tracked from the hand, up the long arm, to his face.

There was no smile on that face for her; the boyish features she had once fondly remembered were gone. With his mouth in a firm line, Kylo shook his head and mouthed ‘no’.

“General?” Rey tried again.

“It’s nothing, Rey,” Leia said with a frown.

A beat of silence then…

“Leia…” The warning was clear in Rey’s voice.

“I’ll report back with the others as scheduled.” Leia clicked off her comlink before Rey could protest and shifted her body so she sat across from Kylo. “Give me one good reason why I shouldn’t bring you back to the Resistance.”

“I didn’t want you to see me like this. Or anyone, for that matter. I wasn’t meant to survive,” Kylo murmured, pulling himself up to lean against the pile of rubble.

Leia rolled her eyes. “No need for dramatics, Ben.”

“Just leave me to die.”

“I couldn’t do that even if I wanted to.”

“No, I mean it.” He stopped and inhaled shakily before continuing. “Mama, please...don’t take me back.”

It was his tone, soft and weak, that made Leia pause. That was when she noticed it. Even after the explosion, life support was still functioning, including the heating; but she could see his breath in the air. Even his lips were on the paler side of red.

“What did you do?” Leia made the question as gentle as she could, heart thumping in her chest in fear of what he might answer.

Kylo looked at her in the eye for the first time. “Something that needed to be done.”

She thought she'd found Kylo Ren in the remains of the damaged base, but it was Ben Solo that quietly revealed his plan. That part of her that had never and would never stop being his mother was crying; over the things he'd done, and what might eventually become of him.

“Do you understand why I can’t go back? Ever?” Kylo asked when he’d finished explaining.

Leia took his hand, his flesh cold in her warm hands, and rubbed his thumb reassuringly before giving it a strong squeeze. “Sadly, I do; but that doesn’t mean I’ll let you die here.”

 


	2. one

Rey sighed, shedding her clothes in the small refresher that was connected to her room. She held her hand out under the stream of water and waited for it warm before stepping into the shower. Water cascaded over her body and washed the blood, sweat and dirt down the drain. She sighed again, letting her head rest against the wall.

She had lost track of how many planets they had searched, all to track down any left over First Order agents who hadn’t gone down during ‘The Great Self-Destruct’, as she had mentally dubbed it. She didn’t even remember how long ago that was, only a vague recognition that it was drawing close to a year since it happened.

It was a bit of a mess, if she was being honest. It wasn’t long since the destruction of Hosnian Prime, so it didn’t sit well with the galaxy to have another incident so soon after. It was a miracle that Leia was able to calm the leaders of the remaining Core Worlds. Or maybe it was dumb luck that the leaders were desperate enough to turn to Leia for guidance; desperate for direction from someone.

It took a while; but it looked like the galaxy was back on track. The relationship between the surviving politicians and the Resistance was still rocky, but that was mainly because no one knew what had happened to the First Order. Even the operatives they had captured had no idea. By all appearances, the Supreme Leader had set in motion laws and legislation that _helped_ the galaxy, so for the regime to suddenly _die_ was disturbing, even after all these months.

No one liked being left in the dark, including Rey. It was one thing to not know what happened to the First Order, it was another to not know if Ben was even _alive_.

When the First Order collapsed, she had tried so many times to reach out to him; not that she knew how. Short of screaming into the night sky, Rey had tried everything. Meditation, honing her Force abilities, studying the Jedi texts she had taken from Ahch-To--nothing had worked.

She didn’t even know if he was alive. At first, everyone had assumed he’d gone into hiding but by this time there should have been whispers or rumors about where he might be. There were none; and people were starting to say he must be dead...but not Rey. She wasn’t having it.

She’d felt Luke Skywalker’s death, felt him become one with the Force; and they hadn’t even been that close.. With Ben, she’d felt nothing. If he’d died, she would have known. Somehow, she would have known.

Rey thought maybe she was going crazy. Sometimes she would imagine his voice in the wind, or see him out of the corner of her eye; but it was always her mind playing tricks on her.

She had developed theories about  what could have happened to Ben during the final moments of the First Order. The romantic part of her liked to believe he had forced the reforms, for the good of the galaxy, and was immediately taken down by the Grand Admirals. Considering how they parted ways, that scenario sounded more like a fairy tale than anything else.

The more logical minds in the Resistance believed that he had died with the rest of the First Order, and that his death went unchecked because of his affinity with the Dark Side. It was a theory that Finn and Poe had come up with late one night after a few drinks. Rey didn’t have the heart to correct them on their knowledge of the Force, so she went along with it.

But every now and then, Rey allowed herself to believe he was alive somewhere; and that he wasn’t totally lost.

Some people would call her a fool.

Those people could shove it.

Even though the water temperature remained steady, Rey shivered as a sudden chill rolled over her. She turned up the temperature until the mirrors fogged and condensation slowly rolled down the glass panels. Beads of sweat started accumulating at her brow; and yet her teeth were  chattering. Maybe she’d stayed in the water too long. Maybe she was just exhausted from the day and needed rest.

Steam wafted through the air as Rey stepped out of the shower and wrapped a towel around her, folding the edges so it would stay. Suddenly, a wave of lightheadedness washed over her. She grabbed onto the durasteel basin with one hand; the other slapped the mirror as she reached out to steady herself.

She felt...weird. She was cold; but her skin was clammy from the heat. Maybe she was coming down with something.

Rey braced herself against the rim of the basin and closed her eyes, inhaling deeply through her nose and out through her mouth. The blackness around her started to melt away, as if her eyes had opened; but they remained firmly shut.

Her brows furrowed as ‘she’ looked down at her hands. They were large. Manly, in fact. Definitely manly when she realised what was grasped within those hands. The appendage, a sizeable cock, was erect, with veins protruding under the silky skin. They weren’t her hands, and this wasn’t her body. She didn’t dare breathe, in case the owner realised he was not alone. Rey watched with rapt attention as large, yet delicate fingers wrapped around the shaft and slid up and down.

Rey could feel something unusual emanating from the base of her stomach. It was as if it was actually _her_ body being aroused. She bit down on her bottom lip, hard, to contain any noises as the man picked up the pace.  

It was different than using her own fingers on herself. The feeling was far more intense. It felt _amazing_.

Whomever this person was, Rey felt a tinge of nervousness and guilt coming from them. As if they were _ashamed_ of what they were doing; which made no sense to her.

From what she could see, the man had a fine body. Strong and stable. Healthy. He had thick, muscular thighs that made her internally nod in approval. Years of wading through sand gave her an appreciation for robust bodies. She tried looking above his waist, but couldn’t get any higher than the space just above his hips. His torso was wide, with a few scars tracking across his skin; but before she could try to get a closer look, the man started to pant.

Rey’s chest heaved in time with his. Her heart leapt and caught in her throat as heat coiled into a tight knot in her nether regions. A part of her was vaguely aware that her towel had dropped to the ground a while ago, but her hands remained firmly gripping the steel basin. Her stance had widened as she stood before the mirror, as if to make room for the imaginary cock she did not have.

A tension at the base of her spine grew larger, her toes curling in anticipation as the orgasm neared. This was it. This was what Rey needed after a long day of fugitive hunting. Her knuckles went white and her lips parted int a silent moan.

“ _Rey_.”

Rey’s eyes snapped open; and for a moment, she could still see the man’s body morphed with hers. The sudden chill she’d felt in the shower returned with vengeance as she lifted her head to stare at the mirror. She wasn’t looking at her reflection, but at the familiar face of Ben Solo. His eyes were wide as he stared back at her, cheeks tinged red and  shoulders hunched. Rey’s eyes flickered south, but she couldn’t see anything past the bottom of the mirror. She knew what had happened, though; and from the looks of it, so did Ben. He swallowed, a thick gulping sound and the shame she had felt before hit her in the chest so hard she stumbled backwards with a gasp.

Her back smacked against the shower panel, breaking whatever connection that was between them. She looked back at the mirror, hoping to find Ben again, but saw only her own reflection.

“You’re alive,” Rey had whispered, her voice unbearably loud in the empty room.

Her legs felt weak; but she managed to get to her bunk, pulling the blankets over her naked body. Leia Organa had insisted that her son had died, since she could no longer feel him with the Force. Rey had been uncertain at the time, but Leia was adamant.

Rey turned over and hugged her legs to her chest in hopes of warming her chilled flesh. She still shivered, but she wasn’t sure if it was the cold or the secret that was being kept. Leia had lied about her son; and Rey needed to know why.

 


	3. two

Chandrila was the first capital of the New Republic when it was formed, so it felt right for the Resistance to stay in Hanna City. In fact, Leia’s old office was still there, from the old days; and that was where Rey found her. She had raised her hand to knock on her door frame when Leia looked up from her datapad.

“Rey,” Leia said, standing to welcome Rey into her office.

Rey had never been inside, only knowing of its location. Now that she was there, she felt out of place in her scruffy outfit. Like the rest of Chandrila, Leia’s office was clean, with neutral colors that screamed of professionalism. Her desk was minimalistic and bare, with nothing on its surface but her datapad and a cube. If anything, the cube looked like it was Leia’s attempt at making her desk more personalised and welcoming. It did not. The only comfort Rey found was that Leia was wearing similar clothes; they almost looked like a flight suit.

“Going somewhere soon?” Rey asked, gesturing at Leia’s clothes.

“No,” Leia said. “These are far more comfortable than Chandrillan robes. I have a meeting later today but I think they’ll have to just suck it up, really.”

“I don’t think fashion should really matter in times like this.”

“No, it shouldn’t. Now Rey, what can I do for you?”

There was no point in beating around the bush so Rey propped her clasped hands on the desk and leaned forward. “Do you really think Ben is dead?”

Rey wasn’t sure what was more surprising: Leia’s body language, which confirmed her suspicions, or that it looked like Leia had expected this question from her.

“You know, Rey,” Leia started, leaning back in her seat as she surveyed her, “you’re the only one who doesn’t call him Kylo Ren. In fact, not many people know him as Ben; or if they do, they wouldn’t think the name matches the man.”

“You must have, since you named him that.” Rey slapped her hands over her mouth. She hadn’t meant to say that.

A smile broke out on Leia’s face, much to Rey’s relief. “True, but a lot happens in a lifetime.”

It was Rey’s turn to lean back on her chair, nodding repeatedly in thought. “So you think he died when the First Order collapsed?”

“There’s no evidence of him surviving.” That was not the same thing.

Rey hummed. “Interesting.” There was something amiss. Leia was too flippant about this. She didn’t know much about the older woman despite their time together, but she didn’t seem like someone who was so nonchalant about their family. Her attitude almost seemed business-like.

“Is there anything else, Rey?” Her tone was polite, but dismissive.

“No, nothing you can help me with.” There might have been a slight emphasis on ‘you’.

Oddly enough, that made Leia frown. “Do you have any evidence that he is alive?”

“Well, no. Just a hunch.” Was there evidence to find?

“What is the basis of your hunch?” Leia’s eyes bored into hers.

Rey gave her a lazy shrug. “Dunno, just a hunch.”

“Hmm.” Leia’s frown deepened.

The pair sat there, silent and staring at each other like some game of chicken. Rey was confident that Leia was hiding something and if she couldn’t get anything from the General, then she was going to take a ship and find Ben herself.

As if coming the same conclusion, Leia opened her desk drawer and shuffled around before conjuring a small microchip. She placed it on the desk silently before getting up and gathering her datapad. “Unfortunately, I’ve got that meeting to go to now. Hopefully your hunch goes away because Kylo Ren is gone. It’s best to leave old ghosts to die.”

Rey’s eyes didn’t stray from the small chip on the table, even when Leia squeezed her shoulder on the way out. Was it what she thought it was? It couldn’t be that easy, could it? There was a slight tremor to her hands as she picked it up.

The journey back to her room was a blur. Her mind was like a ball of jumbled string, a complete mess, and blanked out everything except the tiny chip in her hand. She could have passed Finn or Rose or Poe and been none the wiser.

She locked the door behind her, and flopped on her bed. She rolled the datachip in her hand, wondering if this was a trick, but that didn’t make sense; so without further debate, Rey grabbed her datapad and inserted the chip.

Blue light bathed her room as a star map was shown. Rey looked around and tried to recognise some formations or anything; only to come up empty handed. This quadrant wasn’t one frequently travelled by the Resistance. Rey internally berated herself; if Ben was hiding somewhere, it wouldn’t be on a planet that could be found by just anyone.

Deciding to get comfortable, Rey wormed her way under the sheets and looked up at the map. Ben was somewhere, and she trusted Leia enough to know this wasn’t some joke.

Rey didn’t know how much time had passed but, she was about to call it a day when a small star cluster in the corner caught her eye. Scrambling to the case at the base of her bed, Rey retrieved a thick, old book from within it and returned to her spot. It was one of the Jedi texts she had stolen from Ahch-To. She rolled her eyes and flipped open the book; typical of Ben to be on the one planet that could only be found with the Jedi texts.

It wasn’t long before she found and mapped a path to the planet in question. The trip was going to take a long time, so it was best to leave now. She had just came back from a mission, so she figured she could be excused for a while.

As she made her way to the flight deck, she wondered if she could take the Falcon. No one needed it, and she contemplated asking Chewie; but he was currently on Kashyyyk visiting family. Perfect, there really wouldn’t be anyone needing it.

“Rey!” Finn called out as she got to the hangar. “We were able to track down some more fugitives in the Mid Rim! If we leave now, we can make it back by dinner.”

“Sorry, Finn, but I’m going to have to pass. There’s some planets I want to check out and since we’ve neared the end of the list, I figured now’s the best time.” For emphasis, Rey gestured to the Jedi text under her arm.

Seeing her indicate the Jedi text, Finn covered his mouth and whispered, “Is it...Jedi business?”

“A little bit, but more of the boring kind. You know, meditating and that kind of stuff.” Rey plastered a smile on her face and hoped Finn would let it go.

Thankfully, her prayers were answered when Finn pulled a face. “Bleh, sounds fun,” he said sarcastically, “Okay, well, safe travels and don’t forget to check in!”

“Will do!” Rey said before hurrying aboard Falcon. She gave one final wave to Finn from the cockpit before piloting out of the hangar bay and away from Chandrila. She let out a long sigh and entered the coordinates into the navigational system. “You have some explaining to do, Ben Solo,” she muttered as the Falcon entered hyperspace.

-

The planet she found following her  coordinates wasn’t what Rey expected. Well, she wasn’t sure what she’d been expecting; but it sure as hell wasn’t the warm, tropical planet where she landed. The last time someone self-exiled themselves, they had chosen a wet, dingy planet. Sure, Ahch-To had some significance, with the Jedi ruins dotting the planet; but it was miserable. It had been a perfect match for Luke’s disposition, so to see this planet that was almost a vacation spot made Rey wonder what the hell was happening.

From the scan she’d done in orbit, there were no villages or clusters of lifeforms on the planet. She _had_ located a structure that was most probably where Ben had been living for the past few months. It was on the coast of one of the larger land areas on the planet.

Not wanting to startle him, but at the same time wanting her arrival to be a surprise, Rey landed several miles inland from the coast. It would take a while to get to him on foot, but Rey didn’t mind. If anything, it gave her the time she needed to prepare her mind for when she _did_ finally see him again.

As she trudged through the tall grass towards the shoreline, swinging her lightsaber before her to cut herself a path, she wondered about Ben and what had become of him. What would he look like? Would his hair be longer, or would he have kept it trimmed? What was his life like? Did he find enough food to keep himself content, or did he go through the same gnawing hunger pangs she had, when she was on Jakku?

Something inside Rey twisted at the memory of those lost days on Jakku. It had been painful; and there were times where she had questioned whether she’d survive the night. The thought of Ben going through something similar brought red hot anger to her face. There was no one around. No one knew he was alive, much less where he was. The only person who could help him was Leia; and Rey knew how swamped the older woman was on Chandrila. There was no way Leia could disappear for days without raising questions.

The more she thought about it, the more questions arose. She tried to not let her imagination run wild; but it was hard. Having lived for so long on Jakku’s dry sands, the humidity of this planet was starting to get to her. Travelling long distances didn’t usually bother Rey; but with every step she took, irritation was gnawing at her. There were too many unknown factors, too many questions surrounding Ben’s disappearance.

She kept her gaze on the grass before her, clearing a path; but her mind was a thousand miles away. Rey went through the motions on auto-pilot, eyes distant, not registering the scenery in front of her. If she had been more skilled in the Jedi technique of calming one’s mind, she might have been able to avoid the hidden hole in the ground. Unfortunately, with the state of the galaxy and her ever more frequent missions, her training had become lax; and Rey plummeted down a dark hole. There was no one to save her or hear her screams.

 


	4. three

Warm. It was warm, and not from the thick humidity that awoke Rey. Someone was carrying her, cradling her in their arms and making sure the back of her head was supported. The feeling was familiar; as if it had happened before…

The person above her huffed, their chest pressing against Rey’s arm that was draped across her midsection. Something wet fell on neck and rolled down her shoulder, mixing with her own sweat before being soaked into her top. Sweat, it must be sweat. She wasn’t heavy; but carrying her in this heat, for who knows how long, would take a toll on anyone. No, she could walk on her own.

Walk. Walking...where was she going? Why was she on that planet again? How did she…?

Suddenly, memories leading up to her fall came rushing back to the forefront of her mind, eyes snapping open to see that she was being carried by a disheveled Ben Solo. He looked down at her and the frown on his face deepened.

“How did you find me?” he asked.

 _How did you find me?_ It was slightly awkward from her position, but Rey gaped at Ben nonetheless. It had been over a year since she had last seen him, and the first thing he said was _that_?

“The more important question is, how are you _alive_?” Rey snapped, squirming in his arms to be put down.

Ben stopped and placed her back on the ground, before stepping away with his arms crossed over his impossibly wide chest. His pathetic excuse for a shirt wasn’t doing much to cover it, soaked through with sweat and completely transparent. Rey’s eyes zoomed in on his nipples; they were a lovely brown and, if anything, hardening under her gaze. Then her eyes dropped south and she was reminded of their brief connection in the ‘fresher. The feel of him in her hand, the sounds, _his breath_ …

“Stop that,” Ben said sternly, gaze unwavering despite his body’s obvious response. “Stop _this_. Stop whatever you were planning to do and go back to the Resistance, Rey.”

“We’re not going to talk about this? Or what happened? Or why you’re alive on some backwater planet somewhere?” The more questions Rey brought forward, the more frustrated she got. “Do you really think I’ll let you die here? Or leave without getting some answers from you?” She stepped towards him with each question, her voice rising by the second. “Did I really mean that little to you, that you don’t have the decency to give me an explanation?!”

“It doesn’t matter,” Ben said in a low voice. “The First Order is gone and you have enough resources at your disposal to rebuild the Republic. I made sure of that.”

“How? How did you make sure of that?”

Realising he was letting too much slip, Ben pushed past her, bumping her shoulder as he did.

“Leia gave me your location, in the end,” Rey said, watching closely as Ben faltered, then kept walking away. “She wouldn’t have left you unless it was necessary, so how did you do it? How did you convince your own mother to abandon you?”

Ben continued to walk away from her, lengthening his stride, forcing Rey into a jog to catch up to him.

“Are...Are you _ignoring me_?” Rey asked incredulously. She gaped at his retreating back and got her answer. “You can pretend I’m not here all you want, but it won’t stop me. I’m here; and I’m not leaving until I get answers.” A grunt was Ben’s only response.

The sun was quickly setting in the distance, brushing the sky with an orange hue. Trailing behind him gave Rey the opportunity to study him. He looked...well. His hair looked uneven, as if he had gotten tired of its length at one point and tried chopping it off himself. The ends now brushed the top of his shoulders. His frame was still the same, from the brief glance she had gotten all those months ago. Still wide, with strong shoulder blades bracketing his expansive back. The thin mesh of his shirt was still plastered to him, and Rey could see every muscle twitch and movement from behind.

He walked like a hulking beast; but there was something gentle about him. If anything, the isolation had brought him some kind of serenity. He stood taller, and carried himself with confidence. His hands were relaxed by his sides, fingers slightly parted and caressing the ends of the grass. Every now and then, he would tear a few blades of grass, rubbing it between his fingers before letting it fall. It seemed slightly childish; but Rey couldn’t help but mimic his actions. It felt nice.

It hurt Rey to know that Ben had hidden his location and status from her; but seeing him like this brought ease to her heart. The silence, along with the calming scenery brought her anger to a low simmer before it disappeared. She was left with just acceptance, a feeling that this was the best place for Ben to heal from...whatever had transpired within the First Order.

He wasn’t evil, just lost; and being isolated on this tepid world seemed to have done him a world of good.

When they reached the coast, Rey saw a small, man-made hut surrounded by tall, broad-leafed trees. The trees, along with the base of a large cliff which stood to the side, offered protection from the weather. The hut itself looked quaint and simple. It was evident that Ben had built this himself, the roof thatched and walls composed of tree trunks strung together. How long had it taken him, Rey wondered as she stood in the doorway.

There was a bed against one of the walls, with various objects scattered around the rest of the room. One corner had wooden bowls while another had writing implements, which Rey found odd. There were thin sticks with brush ends and small bowls filled with a black liquid. As much as she wanted to go inside to take a closer look, this was Ben’s space. It was enough that she showed up unexpected.

“This is amazing,” Rey commented, placing her hand against a wall. The wood had been painstakingly smoothed down and felt luxurious in her palm.

Again, Ben didn’t answer her. Instead, he exited the hut and made his way to sea. Rey quickly followed, and watched with fascination as Ben waded into the shallow waters and grabbed a rope that was tied to a rock underwater. He tugged the rope and pulled it towards him until a cage appeared from the ocean; and in it, fish.

The ends of his pants, which were cropped to his knees, were dripping when he came back on land. With the sun settling to the horizon behind him, he was truly a sight to behold. Unfortunately, he continued to ignore her, dumping his loot on the beach before getting to work on cleaning the fish.  

It didn’t bother her. Instead, Rey wandered down along the beach, taking the chance to feel the sand beneath her feet. It was too hot on Jakku to do such a thing, and the sand here was finer; as if expensive sheets of fabric were threaded between her toes. It also gave her a chance to get an idea of what Ben did with his days.

Rey followed the track of Ben’s old footprints, taking note of how small her own appeared in comparison. She stopped when the sand became coarse, giving way to dirt and small rocks. She was still at the beach, but could see the start of an incline; which, Rey guessed, led to the top of the cliff. Looking behind her and past the small dot of Ben, she could see a similar landscape in the direction they had come from on the other end of the beach; except the incline was not as harsh. It was tempting to go exploring; but with the skies turning dark and stars coming out to play, Rey reluctantly went back to the beach near the hut.

It was cooler by the ocean, but sticky, uncomfortable sweat still coated her body. She was tempted to duck behind a tree and rip at her pants to free herself, like Ben had done, but decided against it. Her thin shirt would be enough.

It was night by the time she returned, with a fire burning on the beach, where Rey had left Ben. Fish heads and bones littered the area around the fire, where two whole fish on sticks were stabbed into the sand for her. It wasn’t until Rey got a waft of the scent of cooked fish that she realised how hungry she was.

She ate alone by the fire, watching Ben move around his hut. He had kindled a light within, allowing Rey to track him by the shadows he cast. The soft glow that surrounded him, along with the total silence of the island, was very peaceful; but Rey reminded herself of the circumstances that had led to this moment.

“What happened, Ben?” she whispered, flicking the bones onto the sand.

As she made her way back to the hut, the light from within suddenly went out. Rey stood awkwardly on the beach, weighing her options. She could sleep on the beach or on the patio of Ben’s hut. Eventually she chose to lie down on the wooden floor of the patio, curled on her side with her arm under her head. She positioned herself so she could see into the hut; and saw Ben on his bed in a similar ball, facing the wall. His discarded shirt lay on the floor, revealing his broad back riddled with scars and marks.

She yearned to trace them with her finger, but settled for drawing lines on the floor, imagining it was his back. The sound of Ben’s even breathing, mixed with the waves from the ocean, started to lull Rey to sleep. As her eyes drooped shut, she could have sworn she saw Ben start to shiver; but that seemed ridiculous.

The temperature had dropped dramatically at night on Jakku, but here it remained steady and high. The air was thick, and a thin sheen of sweat still coated her body. She couldn’t imagine anyone getting cold on this planet.

 


	5. four

The following days went  the same way, more or less. She had made little to no headway with Ben in the days she’d been there. Other than the meager offerings of food she received from him twice a day, Ben refused to acknowledge her presence. He had bumped shoulders with her the day she arrived but since then, he’d given her a wide berth, purposely walking around her, making sure that there was a large space between them. It would be amusing if it didn’t irritate Rey so much.  She never stopped trying to get him to speak to her, but he resisted every attempt. Failing to reach him, she would wander off on her own, taking the chance to explore the island. At one point, she returned to her ship to fetch the Jedi text she had brought with her, using it to navigate her way to the Jedi temple on the opposite end of the island.

She found it curious that Ben had built his hut as far away from the temple as possible. By all appearances, he had chosen this planet because it was obscure, and only accessible through Jedi sources; yet he distanced himself from the Force and everything about it.

As Rey sat within the temple, she wondered if Ben had spent any time there. The planet was brimming with Force energy; even sitting on the hard, uneven floor of the temple made Rey feel at ease. She went into her meditative state, eyes shut as her mind reached out to everything on the planet; the crabs scuttling across the sand, the fish far beneath the waves, the fauna eating the grass at the top of the cliff, and the flora, dry but blooming under the heavy heat.

There was something else, a bright light by the coast. Ben! It must be Ben! She followed the trail and, as she suspected, it led to the familiar hut by the sea. Closer and closer until…

_Twang!_

Nothing. There was nothing. The light lingered, but always danced just out of Rey’s reach. She tried again and again, each time with the same result. The aura brushed against Rey’s fingers, as if it were _teasing_ her. She grew more frustrated by the minute, and jumped up from her seated position after the fifth failed attempt.

Even though the planet was ripe with Force energy, something was blocking Ben. This was the closest she had gotten to feeling him with the Force, and still she couldn’t quite get to him. Maybe he had been disconnected and alone for so long that the Force just disappeared? _No_ , Rey thought, shaking her head. That wasn’t how the Force worked.

Rey decided to stay at the temple for the night and make her way back to the hut in the morning, since the journey to the temple had taken up most of the day. Lying on the stone slab, Rey watched the stars twinkle in the night sky. Ben would probably be happy to be rid of her for the night. The thought saddened her. Trying not to let it get to her, she concentrated on the stars, and let the sound of waves in the distance rock her to sleep.

-

_Searching...searching...searching…_

Rey waded through the tall grass as she had done so many times before, and arrived at the Jedi temple. She was overwhelmed by feelings of dejection; but why?

As always, she stood in the middle of the large, circular room, and centered herself. Breathing deep, in through her nose and out through her mouth, she concentrated on the Force…

...but there was nothing.

Nothing.

Why? She wanted to know why, but it felt like _another_ part of her already understood and accepted it.

_No, I don’t accept. What’s happening?_

Today was the last day she would visit;she had dedicated enough time to meditating here. It was time to start anew.

The journey across the island was hard, in her black garments. _Why am I wearing black?_ She wanted to throw her heavy boots away and discard her clothes; the humidity was choking her, and yet…

Her chest still ached with phantom cold.

She still shivered, even with the harsh sun and sweltering heat.

When the smell of saltwater and sound of waves became clear, she gave up conserving her energy and sprinted towards the shore. As she ran, she stripped off her heavy tunic, undershirt, and belt. She stopped before the water and ripped her boots off, her pants following soon after. She couldn’t be bothered to worry about the fate of the clothes left behind in the sand; the desperate need to find relief from the heat was all that mattered now.

Naked, she plunged into the water. Black hair floating around her, she swam deeper into the sea and when she stood up, the water came up to her shoulders.

It felt heavenly.

Heart no longer pounding in her chest, she allowed herself to be refreshed by the icy cold water. Her sweat washed away and along with it, all her worries.

Until…

The sharp, stabbing pain returned.

She stood up in the water too fast, and stumbled, which caused her to fall face first into the water again.

_Light...and darkness...surrounding and drowning…suffocating…_

A bitter chill crawled up her throat, forcing her windpipe open. She stood up again, without difficulty, and scrambled towards the shore. Each extra second she was in the water drove the icicle of pain deeper into her chest.

At last, she collapsed on the beach, unheeding of the sand that clung to her wet skin. The sun dried her in a matter of seconds; and with that, the sharp pain subsided into a dull ache. It was bearable, but only _just_.

She soon found out that the warmer it was, the less her chest hurt. Warmth seemed to slow whatever _this_ was but it didn’t stop it. She felt it spreading deeper with each passing month.

To distract herself, she started constructing a home. Her hands became rough and calloused, but a wave of pleased accomplishment washed over her once it was done.

With shelter over her head, her days became routine. Through trial and error, she learnt how to make weapons and hunt for food. For entertainment, she used ink she’d  made from burnt charcoal to practice her calligraphy. Her skills were rusty.It had been years since she last picked up a brush, and the primitive instrument she’d managed to make with a stick and some straw was nowhere near the quality of the brushes she’d had in her youth; but it would do. Between hunting, exploring, and writing, her days were full.

She didn’t return to the Jedi temple. The Jedi couldn’t help her. No one could.

Almost a year had passed before she finally allowed herself some physical pleasure.

In the dead of the night, with darkness all around her, she suddenly sat up in her bed. Her body trembled. Should she do it here? No, her body felt like it was on fire. She needed to walk it off.

A few circuits around her room helped her nerves, leaving her somewhat more calm. She braced herself against the railing at the front of her hut, fingers gripping the smooth wood until her knuckles turned white. She was hard. With her loose underwear, her erection was free to grow until the tip nudged her waistband.

It wasn’t the first time this had happened. She had always ignored it, her cock eventually becoming flaccid, but ignoring it was not an option this time.

She steadied herself and counted to three, letting out a low groan as she wrapped her fingers around her aching member. She felt disgusting. This exile was meant to be a punishment;she shouldn’t be allowed to experience an indulgence such as this, yet her hand moved on its own accord and pulled undeniable pleasure from within herself.

Her toes curled, and the heat in her stomach started to build. It combated the ice in her chest, allowing her to pretend that it would melt.

Faster and faster she pumped her cock, mouth hanging open to let out the moans she tried and failed to keep silent. Just as her moans reached their crescendo, the one person in the galaxy she cared about but knew she didn’t deserve, swam to her consciousness.

“ _Rey_.”

Her eyes snapped open. It was a dream. It was all a vivid dream; but at the same time, a reality. This had happened already.

The haze of the dream lingered with her, knowing for sure that she had been in Ben’s body.

“ _Rey_.”

He had heard her gasp when he moaned her name. While _she_ saw him in the mirror of her ‘fresher, Ben had seen _Rey_ , naked and standing mere inches from him. If he’d wanted to, he could have reached out to her; but he kept his hands firmly to himself...

...his spent member still heavy in his hand.

Shame couldn’t come close to what she...no, _he_ had felt. Fate must be playing some sick joke on him. The _one_ time he had decided to surrender to pleasure was the _one_ time the Force decided to grace Ben with its presence.

He didn’t have time to have an internal argument with the Force, as his eyes flickered down for a split second and caught sight of Rey’s perfect breasts. Shards of ice penetrated his heart, sharper and more tortuous than ever before.

Their connection had broken with a _snap_ , leaving Ben doubled over in pain; while Rey remained none the wiser, light years away.

But now she knew. She knew of the hardships and loneliness he’d had to endure. She still didn’t know what was causing the pain in his chest, but she would deal with that later; fixing the ice in his heart was paramount.

Ben might not have his Force abilities anymore, but _she_ did.


	6. five

It took Rey the better part of the next day to return to the hut; and by the time she finally arrived, she was **done** giving Ben his ‘space’. If her Force dream was any indication, something foreign was eating away at his heart and slowly spreading through the rest of him. Whatever it was, it had to be the reason Ben was now blocked from the Force.

“Ben!” Rey yelled, spotting him at the campfire. Glaring, she stomped towards him, her fists balled up by her sides.

She swore she could see gears turning in his head as he saw her approach, as though debating with himself over whether to stay or flee. She must look furious, judging by his widened eyes and guarded stance. No. She knew she did. After last night’s...visions, it was harder to keep their thoughts and feelings separated than it was to know what was going on inside him.

“You’re still here,” Ben commented, attempting to sound indifferent; but Rey didn’t buy that one bit; she knew better. He held his ground until she stopped before him, trying to use his height to intimidate her. “I thought you had left.”

Unfazed, Rey crossed her arms across her chest. “You’d be sad if I did, wouldn’t you?”

“Bold of you to assume. I isolated myself for a reason, Rey.”

“A reason which I had to find out for myself.”

Ben’s frown deepened. “What do you mean? There’s no reason.”

Before he could react, Rey grabbed his wrist with one hand and placed her other on his bicep. His skin was goose-pimpled to a point that it felt unnatural. “You’re cold,” she accused.

Ben tried shaking himself from her grasp but Rey kept a firm hold on him. “No, I’m not. You’re imagining things.”

“You’re cold,” Rey repeated, refusing to let go. “You’ve exiled yourself to a hot, humid planet and you’re still freezing.”

“Don’t,” Ben said softly, still trying to pull his arm from her grasp, his efforts becoming weaker by the second. “Please don’t, Rey.”

“What happened?” He looked scared, and desperate to flee, but Rey pushed on. “Why would you do this to yourself?”

“Don’t. Don’t, please don’t. Don’t say it.”

“Your heart, Ben.” Rey sniffled,surprised by the sudden tears pooling in her eyes. They rolled down her cheeks and she angrily swiped at them. “You’re dying, Ben! Why? Why would you leave to die alone when we could help? Your mother...and me. I could’ve helped!”

Ben shuffled backwards and tripped over his feet, sending himself and Rey falling onto the sand. He was able to yank his hand back, but was too weak to get further away from her. “You’re too late. There’s nothing you can do. I didn’t want you to see me like this.”

Rey’s heart broke. She sat back on her knees and watched him as he tried to scoot back, looking feeble and weak. “You don’t deserve this.”

“You don’t know what I’ve done,” he whimpered, each movement becoming more difficult by the second.

“I know that you had to sacrifice yourself to end the First Order. You disappearing right when every First Order base crumpled? You might have fooled the galaxy, but you didn’t fool me.” Keeping her distance, Rey offered her hand, careful not to scare him. “Please, Ben. Please let me help.”

“What can you do? Mama--” A choked sob broke through Ben’s words, tears now running down his own face. “S-She tried. She’s trying. The...thing I used is with her, and she still hasn’t found anything.”

“What? What thing?”

Ben started to shiver. Each breath he took made him tremble, but he forced himself to speak. “Scientists on an Outer Rim base discovered an ancient Sith holocron. I went there to study it, and found something else instead. It wasn’t any old holocron, but one that held a Force entity. Force-beings try not to interfere with whatever is happening in the galaxy, but this one didn’t seem to care as long as something of equal importance was sacrificed...”

“No,” Rey whispered, already knowing what he was about to say.

Ben smiled wryly. “Nothing is free, Rey.”

She knew better than anyone that everything had a price; Unkar Plutt had never let her forget that. But Rey refused to believe it this time. “There must be a way to fix this! This is the Force!”

“Maybe, but I won’t allow it. I don’t deserve it-OW!” Ben exclaimed, looking a bit horrified as she smacked his leg.

“Oh, so you felt that? Good, that means you’re not that far gone yet.”

“It’s only a matter of time. This planet was meant to slow it down, and it did; but it’s no use.” His teeth were beginning to chatter. “I-t’s s-so co-old.”

“If that’s so, then at least let me be here with you. You don’t deserve to go through this alone.” Rey extended her hand again and pleaded. “Please. _I_ don’t want to be alone again,” she cried.

“It’ll be more painful when I die.”

“I don’t care! Please, Ben.”

The sight of Rey, sitting on the beach with him on this deserted planet, tears streaming down her cheeks with her hand out to him, destroyed what little willpower he had left. Ben could sense exactly how she felt about this.  He swallowed thickly, and slowly reached out for her. Her eyes widened as the distance grew shorter and shorter until…

Their fingers finally touched, skin brushing against skin. Ben let out a gasp and collapsed.

“Ben!” Rey closed the distance between them and pulled him into her lap. “Hang in there!”

“I-It hurts, Rey.”

“It’ll be fine. It’ll be fine.” She repeated those words again and again, until he fell into a deep sleep. Rey brushed his hair from his face as gentle shivers replaced his violent tremors. “It’ll be fine, Ben. You’ll be fine.”

Crying, Rey looked helplessly out at the sun setting on the horizon, and held Ben close to her; she didn’t know what to do. She’d thought Ben would have a bit more time; but it seemed that her presence might be speeding up whatever affliction he had.

It wasn’t until later, when night bathed the island, that Rey finally unfolded herself from Ben and managed to half drag, half carry him to his hut. She placed him on his bed, and watched him sleep. His lips were tinged blue, and despite the heat, soft puffs of his icy breath hung in the air.

It was the first time she had entered his hut. Curiosity getting the better of her, Rey picked up the pile of leaves in the corner and looked at his writings. The first thing she noticed was his handwriting. Even with his archaic brush, his writing was beautiful.

He had written of his days on the island. She could feel his emotions in his writing; some strokes more angry and jagged, while others were smudged and shaky. They confirmed what she had suspected; her dream from the night before was of his time on the planet.

There were drawings as well. More than once, Ben had sketched a cube and a figure. Rey squinted at the drawing, the cube was colored in black but something at the back of her mind niggled at her.

_She’s trying. The...thing I used is with her, and she still hasn’t found anything._

The cube in Leia’s office! Rey had originally thought it was decoration but no, it was the holocron.

With a sigh, Rey leaned against the wall across from where Ben slept. As she nodded off, she made sure he was the last thing she saw.  

-

With the aid of Ben’s writings, Rey was able to set traps for food. All she had were berries she had found across the island and her grumbling stomach only fueled her determination to catch some meat for the both of them.

Ben remained asleep for the day, skin becoming colder with each passing moment.

Like had observed Ben do many times before, Rey gutted and skewered the fish she was able to get from that day’s catch. She ate as she cooked, leaving aside a couple to feed Ben later, if he awoke.

But he didn’t and the fish grew cold into the night.

The next day went the same but when Rey sat next to his bed at night, she held the stick of fish to his nose. He stirred slightly but that was it. He had to eat. Rey shook his shoulder gently but to no avail.

Even though he was asleep, he needed some sustenance.

Without a second thought, Rey bit off a chunk of fish and chewed it thoroughly until it formed a paste. Her cheeks flushed as she hovered over him. Would this be their first kiss? No, she couldn’t think like that. This was only to help him, nothing more.

Rey pressed her lips against his and pushed the food into his mouth. She massaged his throat and felt the food go down. His lips were cold but she could have sworn they started to heat up. Licking her lips, she quickly bit into the fish again.

Once the fish was done, Rey wiped the edge of his mouth with her shirt. She rested her head on the edge of his bed, arms folded and pillowed under her ear, and watched him like she had so many nights before. Boldly, she took his hand in hers and held it close like the small doll she had kept on Jakku.

She traced his scar with her eyes and memorised all the moles across his face as sleep stole her mind.

-

_Warmth…_

_It felt warm…_

_So nice…_

_...loved…_

His eyes felt heavy but he forced them open. It felt like he’d lifted a Bantha; his muscles ached, but it hurt more not to move.

Slowly, Ben sat up, only to look down when he realised something was latched onto his hand. Rey stirred but remained asleep, nuzzling into his hand.

Ben frowned. Why was she there?

It didn’t look comfortable on the floor, and he was too tired to wake her; so he slid back down and pulled her onto the bed. He wrapped his arms around her, tucking her head under his chin. Still deep in slumber, Rey mumbled and buried herself deeper into him, her own arms winding around his midsection.

It felt so nice and warm…

Ben let out a long breath, like a sigh, and fell asleep again.

 


	7. six

The next day when Rey awoke, she was met with a pair of soft, brown eyes staring at her. She blinked, mind still hazy from her sleep, not registering where she was or who the eyes belonged to until a solid beat had passed.

“Ben?”

“Rey,” he said, voice gravelly from lack of use. 

“You’re awake?”

“Seems so.”

She wriggled her arms from under him and placed at hand on his cheek. He was warming up. “How?”

“I...I don’t know.” He tried sitting up, but couldn’t get very far with Rey’s leg thrown over him. 

“Sorry,” Rey mumbled, quickly rolling off to give him some space. 

“Thanks,” he muttered, sitting up, only to gasp. Clutching his chest, he forced his breathing to even out into long, deep breaths. 

“It’s still there,” Rey said, pained. 

“Y-Yeah.”

Rey’s eyes flickered down to the space she just vacated. Slowly, she moved towards him again.

Ben followed her with his eyes, heart pounding in his chest. “What are you doing?”

“I’m trying something,” she said, sliding onto the bed until she was nestled against him once more. “How does this feel?”

“It doesn’t--” Ben paused and thought about it. The ice was still in his heart but the edges didn’t hurt as much. They felt blunt and numb, rather than sharp and stinging.

“You feel warm,” Rey whispered, tracing his lips with her finger. 

“So do you,” he said in a similar tone. He swallowed the lump that formed in his throat and asked with a shaky voice, “D-Do you think…?”

His question was left hanging but Rey understood.

“Maybe,” she breathed as she pushed up and met his lips for a chaste kiss. When she had fed him the fish, she was too busy trying to keep him alive to really notice the feel of his lips, but now she could. They were warm and soft. There wasn’t any hint of the coldness that she had observed the day before. 

He was rigid against her, arms awkwardly placed on her shoulder, as if scared to move in case the phantom pain returned. 

Rey broke the kiss to see his face flushed with sweat beading at his forehead. “Does it hurt?”

“No,” he said softly. “But I’m scared.”

“It’s okay,” she hushed. “I’m here. Do you trust me?”

Ben moved away so he could properly see her face. He could see her heart in her wide eyes as they looked at each other. It was the same look she’d had on the Supremacy when fire and rubble had rained around them. 

He had been so volatile back then, his soul ripped free from the prison Snoke had kept it in at long last. With his master’s corpse only a few feet away, he thought he could do anything. He thought he knew what was best for him, and for the galaxy. He had arrogantly assumed Rey would follow him, but she didn’t. He didn’t realise it until much later, late but that was the wake-up call he needed.

He’d fixed the galaxy to the best of his abilities, but sacrificed himself to do it. He’d thought that was what needed to be done; obtain balance at any cost. He’d thought he could go through with it, but with Rey so close, he wasn’t so sure anymore. 

Rey, the girl who knew all about waiting.

Rey, the girl who’d searched for him and traveled  _ twice _ across the galaxy to bring him home.

Rey, the girl his heart cried out for. 

He didn’t know if she felt the same, but even after knowing what was meant to happen to him, she’d stayed.

And without him, she would be alone again. 

He’d sacrificed everything, hoping that she would be happy in the better world he meant to create.

But she wasn’t.

She’d left her oyster of safety to find him.

“I trust you,” he whispered, finally, trembling as he did so. 

It was different the second time their lips touched. 

The ice in Ben’s heart dug deeper; but he barely felt it, with Rey’s lips pressed against his, her tongue gliding along his bottom lip for permission. He opened his mouth and tasted her for the first time. He inhaled sharply, his senses filling with her.

Her taste, her smell,  _ her soul _ , he took it all.

And she gave it willingly and without reservation.

Rey rolled over and straddled him, pinning his arms above his head. “Your heart is made of ice, but your soul is entwined with mine,” she mumbled as she kissed long his jaw.

“What will I do if my heart gives out and freezes over?” he gasped, her teeth nipping at his neck.

“Then I’ll give you mine.” Rey broke from her hurried kisses and cradled his face in her hands. “You can’t feel it, but I can. Ben, this planet is overflowing with the Force.”

“It is?” 

“Yes,” she breathed. “Trust me.”

“I’ll always trust you,” he sighed against her lips. 

Rey rolled off of Ben and started to undress. She kept her eyes on him the whole time, the intensity between them serving as a pleasant distraction from thinking about what they were about to do. With one deep breath for courage, she pulled her shirt from over her head and stood awkwardly at the side of his bed, naked. Face flushed, Ben immediately felt embarrassed despite still being mostly clothed. He didn’t want to stare; but his eyes couldn’t help but be drawn to her perfect breasts before drifting south…

The moment he saw the tuft of hair that decorated her groin, Ben scrambled from his bed and shucked his pants. It didn’t feel right to ogle her without returning the favor. Now, with only a small space between them, his hands trembled at his sides. Was he good enough? Did he please her? She looked just as nervous as he was, with her eyes drinking him up in the same way he knew he had done. He must, judging from the hunger in her eyes. 

“Is it still cold?” Rey asked, closing the space between them so their chests were flush. Her nipples were erect and brushed against his skin. 

“No,” he whispered. With the image of Rey imprinted in his mind, naked and blushing so prettily, he didn’t think he’d ever feel cold again. His body felt like it was on fire with his heart about to burst into flames.

Rey hummed in triumph and took his length in her hands, her palm gliding over his velvety skin to pull groans from him. His life was in her hands and he grazed the back of his fingers across her cheek, pushing aside her fallen hair. 

Ben gasped sharply when she tightened her grip around him and started to move, pumping him slowly, at an agonising pace. Legs beginning to feel weak, he rested his face on the crown of her head and panted into her hair. His hands remained heavy by his side, useless and helpless to do anything. This was the first time anyone had touched him in so intimate a way.

Giving his collarbone a long lick, Rey guided him back to his bed, pushing him down before straddling his waist. The length of his cock was pressed against his stomach and the seam of Rey’s entrance. He twitched involuntarily at first but repeated the motion, feeling her slick start to coat his skin. 

With her lip wedged between her teeth, Rey started moving, instinctively grinding against his cock. Faster and faster, she shamelessly smeared her juices over him before lifting herself up to hover over his throbbing erection.

Keeping her eyes locked on his, she slowly sank down, taking in his every minute reaction. Every sharp gasp, his wobbling bottom lip, the way he kept his hands by his sides, clenching and unclenching his fists…

They sighed in unison when he was fully sheathed, Rey’s ass a comforting weight on him, with her knees pressed against the sides of his torso in an effort to more firmly squeeze herself around him. It worked; her muscles clenching around him as she drew herself up before slowly sliding back down. She repeated this motion, her pace achingly slow,  and Ben watched his cock disappear into her with a heady gaze. 

Rey worked herself on him, testing different motions until something snapped to life within Ben. No longer held back by weakness, his hands grabbed onto her hips, fingers digging into her flesh as he moved her back and forth. Rey tilted forward slightly, just enough for her clit to feel some friction.

Ben zeroed in on this. Releasing her hips, one hand cupped her breast while the other found its place at her mound. He squeezed her supple flesh, fingers splayed to caress the smooth curve before he sat up and replaced his hand with his mouth. He sucked and swirled his tongue around her nipple, each round more zealous than the last, pushing her until her back arched with pleasure. He kept his now-free hand firmly pressed against her spine in an effort to assure her that she could fall back at any time; he would hold onto her.

Rey felt full already. Ben may not have realised it, but his girth was impressive; it stretched her until the burn was delicious and satisfying. With her back arched, the tip of his head nudged against her pelvic wall, bumping against his palm that was pressed against her crotch. She lazily gyrated her hips, her eyes shut, with soft sighs escaping her lips as Ben used his mouth to decorate her breasts with splotches of red. 

She pressed her lips together when Ben’s fingers started to move, clumsily massaging circles around her clit. She rotated her hips to match his movements, canting her hips at just the right time for a thrill to shoot from her core up her spine. 

Eventually, Rey couldn’t contain the sounds any longer. Soft moans and purrs pulled from her throat, only to suddenly change to a sharp yelp. Ben growled against her soft, creamy flesh and snapped his hips in the same way, bringing more shouts from Rey. His tongue lapped the sweat that stuck to her satiny skin, messily licking the salt as he continued to move upwards, matching her rhythm for rhythm. Rey’s hair was clinging to her back and face, free strands swaying as their bodies danced together. She raked her nails up his back, leaving a pattern of red lines in their wake. 

She grabbed onto his shoulders for purchase as he suddenly got up. The motion drove his cock deeper, the angle making Rey see stars as she desperately held onto him. Momentarily distracted, she didn’t realise she was on her back until Ben gently pressed his velvet lips against the angles of her cheekbones. He continued to move within her, taking care to almost pull out completely before sliding into her again. Each thrust felt fuller than the last, and her heart felt complete with his loving kisses.

“My heart is in your hands,” he mumbled between kisses. “It always belonged to you. Please…”

Rey held onto his chin, stopping his kisses so he could look at her. Lips ghosting his, she whispered, “You’ll never feel cold again.”

“And you’ll never be alone again. I promise.” Ben had never felt so sure of anything in his life. Any doubts he had when he awoke were gone, replaced by a reassurance that only Rey could give. 

He sped up, their foreheads pressed against each other while their hands were lost in each other’s hair. Like a wave, he came and the pain subsided with each pulse. He rode out his orgasm, milking the pleasure that curled within him, and hurriedly massaged Rey’s clit. It was so slippery, her juices having mixed with their combined sweat, that his messy circles were enough to send Rey over the edge. 

Her back arched high off the bed, her smooth abdomen pressed against his chest. Ben wrapped his arms around her body and held her tight, rolling over so they laid on their sides facing each other. He watched as she panted for air, eyes still shut in her post-orgasmic bliss. He couldn’t take his eyes away from her; she was beautiful, and the center of his universe. Tears momentarily blurred his vision, he was so overwhelmed. 

Rubbing his eyes on the bedding, Ben tucked her into the crook of his neck and smiled when she snuggled deeper into him. She was well on her way to the land of slumber, Ben not far behind.

As his eyes started to close, he wondered what was to become of him, now that he was no longer cursed. He could return to the Resistance and help rebuild the galaxy. Or he could remain off the grid; he desperately hoped that Rey would stay with him, if that was what he decided. Even if they were physically apart, though, Ben knew their souls would always be one.

-

Lightyears away, Leia sat in her office with a datapad in her hands. It contained all their information on the First Order: ships, production factories, where everything was funded, as well as key people who were not officially part of the First Order, but who still had a hand in its activities. All this information was given to her a year ago from her son in an attempt to atone. Leia snorted, knowing it was a bribe to help him get off the dilapidated base undetected. 

The information had proved invaluable. It had given the Resistance a fighting chance to properly change the government into the one it should have been. 

Not far from her sat the black cube Ben had given to her. He didn’t want it; the curse from within had already been making its way to his core, so Leia was more than happy to take it off his hands. One year ago, Leia had been optimistic that she could find something that would help her son. 

Now the cube taunted her, every day with what she had allowed to happen. For the second time, she had placed the galaxy before her son. 

Leia dropped her head into her hands. The least she could have done was tell Rey the truth; and even then, she had done it in a roundabout way. 

Rey...Rey knew. As much as Leia had tried to hide that Ben was still alive, Rey had known he was out there somewhere.

_ Crack! _

Leia lifted her head and stared at the cube with wide eyes. It had sat, unmoving as always, until a moment ago. It was now in pieces; a small ball of light floated, freed from inside, glowing brighter with each passing second. It hurt her eyes to look at it; but she couldn’t look away. The aura...the feeling...it was Ben.  _ His heart _ . 

The light danced around her, before disappearing into the walls.

Finally, she could feel him with the Force again. His signature beat strongly, another familiar presence entwined with his. 

“Thank you, Rey,” Leia whispered, a smile ghosting her face. 


End file.
